I GUESS PEOPLE THINK I'M STUPID- SO THEY CAN LIE TO ME.

i went to spanish today and then i came home and warmed up my supper. i called amanda and had to leave her another message (as usual), i told her i tried to ask amy if i could go to mexico and she ended up lying to me about how much the trip was, so i couldn't go because she claimed it was too expensive because my friend and i checked how much ROUND-TRIP TICKETS WERE AND THEY WERE NOT $40,000 AND NOW I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO FOR MY 40TH BIRTHDAY. i hate when people lie to me like i'm some kind of fuckin idiot who will believe everything they say because I'M SO STUPID! see the thoughts she puts in my head?! amanda probably likes that because she's probably hoping amy depresses me so much i end it all- I MADE A WILL. AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED- YOU GET ZILCH, NADA, NOTHING. gonna have to find something else to leave your kids when you die! besides- it's ridiculous that a person should have to call her own family members (especially when they have TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURIES) and basically beg them for support in VOICEMAILS which are NEVER returned. MY GRANDMA WOULD BE PROUD! talk about love. besides amy just sitting on my money and not investing it properly to make me any money.. she has her receptionist LIE to me and tell me she's not in the office and sends me to her voicemails which she ALSO selectively returns (she DOES return some every now and then though.. unlike amanda). so not only do i have an "advocate" who doesn't support me- I ALSO HAVE A TRUSTEE THAT HATES MY GUTS AND WE'VE GOT INTO YELLING ARGUMENTS ON THE PHONE A FEW TIMES! I'M SO SUPPORTED IN THIS SHITTY ASS STATE- IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY. *ROLLS EYES* i also still am sleeping without a working CPAP- so ANY NIGHT NOW.. I MAY STOP BREATHING AND NEVER WAKE UP! no wonder why i'm so fuckin tired during the day and it feels like the ground is shifting when i walk at times. i did let people know and they usually say, "did you call your case manager about this?" and when i tell them i did and he doesn't answer my voicemails.. AS YOU CAN SEE- PEOPLE LOVE RETURNING MY CALLS!